Promises, promises...

Why is it so hard to keep promises to ourselves? Why do we go to extremes to keep our word to our family, but not have the conviction to follow through on the vow we’ve made to ourselves? Why do we feel so badly when we break a commitment to a friend, but just blow it off when we break one we made to ourselves?

In my history of addiction, I swore off porn more times than I can count. I would promise myself over and over to quit. In a moment of resolve, I would throw out my stash only to start collecting again in a moment of weakness. I would disconnect the computer, stop calling girlfriends, and quit going to strip clubs – for about a week. Then I was back at it, completely disregarding my previous commitment. Why couldn’t I just do what I promised? What was wrong with me? What was my problem?

Here was my problem: my self-worth.

If a friend repeatedly broke their promises to you, even little ones, your opinion of them would gradually decline. Eventually, you would probably stop associating with them altogether. They would no longer be worthy of your time and effort to keep the friendship going. Do you think the result is any different when you break promises to yourself? No, it’s exactly the same. Little promises like: I’m going to get up at five a.m. I’m only going to eat three cookies. I’m not going to speed today. I’m not going to leave work early. I’m going to call my wife when I said I would. Breaking these everyday promises may seem insignificant, but they add up to disaster. Over time, you begin proving to yourself that you are unreliable and untrustworthy.

Some perspective: Let’s figure conservatively and say the average person breaks five promises to themselves a week. No big deal, right? Wrong! If you had a friend who broke five promises to you in a week, you’d tell them to take a hike! Wouldn’t you? But we do it to ourselves all the time and we just let ourselves get away with it. This is what I had been doing to myself for years. I had let myself down so many times, I no longer viewed myself as someone worthy of keeping my word to.

Let’s take dieting. You want to lose some weight. You decide on a plan. You get the gym membership. You throw out all your junk food. You set the alarm clock for an hour earlier than you normally would. You’re all set. So what happens? The alarm goes off, your flesh whines, you give in and go back to sleep. Why? Because you’ve done this all before and let yourself down every time! You can change the diet, the gym, the exercises, and the calories – but if you don’t change how you view yourself and start checking your integrity, you will always fail.

Addiction also contributes to a low self-worth. When an addiction takes hold of your life, you start to identify yourself as an addict: a pathetic, dependent, helpless receptacle that only exists to be filled with porn (or alcohol, or food, or shopping, or whatever). Combine this mindset with a lifetime of broken promises, add a little shame and isolation, and the devil has your self-worth right where he wants it – in the gutter.

So how to you raise your self-worth? You don’t. God does. Start finding out who God says you are, not the world or yourself. Read your Bible and begin finding out who you are in Him and discover the supernatural power that you, as a believer, have access to. No amount of seminars, self-help books, and motivational speakers will raise your self-worth. Resolve is not enough. Promises aren’t enough. Vows are not enough. But Jesus Christ is enough. And until you give your life over to Him and find out who He says you are, you’ll never make it. We don’t become worthy on our own – we only become worthy through Christ. We don’t become righteous on our own – we only become righteous through Christ. We don’t become sanctified on our own – we only become sanctified through Christ.

“. . . in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:37-39